you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
