i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
