So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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