i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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