Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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