I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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