I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do vagina's smell?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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