According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
