alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize