i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
