You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
