no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
