My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
