Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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