So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
