i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
