I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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