You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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