Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
