I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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