Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
