just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
there is glitter all over my balls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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