I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize