Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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