I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
