guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
