o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
