I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
