tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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