just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
