he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
