I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize