yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize