So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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