No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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