my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
