i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
