Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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