I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
