I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
