I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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