Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
