yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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