She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
