whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
