What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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