I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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