hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
