So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what day is it and did you see me today?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize