My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
