a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
