That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize