I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
