3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize