This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
