New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
