You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
