how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
