true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There r osticjed everywhere
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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