you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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