Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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