May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
