I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
