I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
