I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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