We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
