i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
