meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think my moral compass just broke
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
