There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
