Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
