No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
