i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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