I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
