I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
