We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
