come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
