It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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