His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
