Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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