I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
