She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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