This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
