Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
