So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
