vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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