i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
