I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
