Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
