end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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