I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
