I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
