she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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