just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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