HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
