..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
