I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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