I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
