I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize