The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
