this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
