so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
