someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
