I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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