i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
