Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
