i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
